Hello.
Been a long time since I thought about writing something here. All that I think about nowadays has something to do with war, Lebanon, Israel, war, Lebanon, Israel, war, Lebanon, Israel. Do I need to explain more???
WARNING: the following text includes rude words, bad intentions and criticism against a certain Welsh university. If you suffer from an illness that makes you love Swansea, please look away now. If you do not give a **** *** * ****** ***** **** ****************** then please read on...
Back in Swansea again after about two weeks in Tampere. I was amazed to find out this morning that food does not appear inside the fridge like it does at my parents' house. Perhaps the bloody Brits again have some sort of model that is not compatible anywhere else in the world. It wouldn't be the first. No matter how many times I opened and closed the fridge door, the amount of food did not increase inside. All I got was the light, but you can't eat that, surely not??? Anyone been that hungry? Just curious to know how it feels to digest....
Hmmm.... Anyway, it was quite nice (do not tell anyone) to be back 'home' for a bit. Worked my arse off doing research for my dissertation at Tampere University and enjoyed the food they offered to students. For 2,50 € you could eat a big plate of food, which you could fill yourself (imagine the size of that mountain!), a salad side plate and then bread along with that. I was well impressed and even the food tasted like it was cooked by someone who knew how to cook. Now I am back in Swansea, my so called 'home university' and I was not that excited to be back. Perhaps its just by cold black Nordic heart that is incapable to love, but there was no spark. Everything looked grey. The place looks like a bad B-side movie made in the Soviet Union about some small industrial town in Siberia that has nothing going for it. Perhaps I am being too kind. Went to the canteen and thought about having something to eat, but quickly changed my mind. The woman, who reminded you of one of those East - German shot put 'women' who had a thicker five o'clock shadow than many men in their twenties was serving some pile of shit, that actually looked like shit. Perhaps it was, I did not hang around to get a whiff of it. Fucking dump.
Not much love lost in this place, is there?
However, when you are on the beach on a sunny warm day and the waves hit your frozen ankles, it looks and feels like you could be anywhere. Anywhere where you want, just not here!!! Kidding, I love this place, I want to get one of those houses on top of Constitution hill, which is painted bright red or pink or horrible green and grow marijuana in my back room. SUPER! :)
I do actually think that this place can be quite lovely on sunny days. So the people I am expecting to come over and see have no excuses, as it is always nice, happy, fun fun here. And sunny. You know who you are.
On to other things now. I was told by someone that I am boring. 'Old and boring' was the phrase I think. Actually, I have been told many times this. I deny everything. I am happy and lively as a pig in shit.
I read in the tabloid paper Iltalehti today quite an interesting story. About how the people with diplomatic immunity, who drive the cars with 'CD' numberplates terrorise other drivers on the road. As the police cannot touch them, only issue a 'polite reminder to obey the traffic laws' they can drive and park as they want. I think there was a story about some prick from Lithuania who parked his car on the main street in Helsinki, literary in the middle of the road, blocking the tram tracks going both ways. The traffic was blocked for a good hour while he was shopping. Apparently the dude was not schooled in the art of parking. This story, however, is about Poles. In this area called 'Kulosaari' in Helsinki most of the embassies are situated. The driving speed is set to 30km / h as the road is narrow, there are a sports field nearby used by school children and some sort of school as well I think... but the main thing is that its a very posh area. When in a posh area, one must drive through it slowly either to look at the wealth of others or to show your wealth to others. The Pole did not understand that not everyone has a brand new Mercedes in Finland. Anyway, he had nearly driven over people standing near the sports field (not on the actual road), he had overtaken from the wrong side of the road and had been very rude in his usage of the horn. Finland is not like Italy where you use the horn for everything. Listening to music - use horn, nothing to do - use horn, seeing a beautiful woman - use horn excessively, driving on the pedestrian part of the road - use horn. In Finland, you use the horn very carefully as you might get beaten up for your trouble. As you attract attention on someone by honking, either because they drive badly, they drive too slowly, they have not noticed the traffic lights changing - all negative publicity. Sometimes people react to your honking and rip out your side mirrors or something. So pick your targets with care. When you do use your horn after finding a good and easy target, make sure you accompany the honking with an international sign or perhaps an encouraging phrase of 'move your arse you fat motherfucker'. The phrase may vary. Basically, people don't take kindly to the excessive use of the horn, so this Polish clown had driven down the road, at break-neck speed clearly in some sort of physical or emotional pain with his horn blazing. The police very kindly offered some driving tips after they caught up with him.
So this was one of the main stories of 30 March 2007 in Iltalehti. Wow, shit happens in Finland.
Be nice to people and as one good friend of mine kept chanting like a skipping record - 'let go of the past'
Peace on earth.
Friday, 30 March 2007
Thursday, 8 March 2007
The army - boring people to death
Hello again. Its been a while since I last wrote something here that I did not delete after reading through it. Well today is a good day, the sun is out, one can actually feel the warmth of the rays if you really concentrate and find a spot where there is no wind. So basically summer is here... nearly.
Most people who knew before I went into the army, knew that I had been avoiding the damn place like the plague from since I was 18 until I finally went in at 24, so a good six years. I was not really interested in the 'gung-ho' mentality, I rather thought of myself as having grandeur ideals, ideas and hobbies than be caught up in the whole 'boys with toys' charade of the army.
Hmmm.... that worked out well, as now the people who met me after I had spent enough time among the hormone -charged young men to have seen enough spunk to last me a lifetime, they might think that I have army on the brain. Perhaps. When I went in, slightly unsure of myself after hearing all those stories from friends about all the things that they make newcomers go through, I made up my mind to think of it as a sporting holiday. I had just finished a BA Degree, where I actually did quite a bit of work during my last year, instead of being drunk down the pub every night, so my rational was that the army was a holiday. No essays, exams, long academic lectures, hours of pondering what the f**k something meant... nope... not in this place... you could leave your brain at home. Everything you did was organised by someone else: when to wake up, when to eat and when to sh*t. Just follow the schedule. Easy.
In fact, it wasn't really what I expected. I was more relaxed about not having that much free time on my hands, not getting that many evening passes or that sort of thing. I knew that if I had two pints or more, I would have a hangover and not able to function without a fair amount of painkillers the next day. Especially when you had to be up at 5 in the morning, already by itself an ungodly hour to be conscious, having a hangover and being expected to understand what the hell was going on when the sun had not even risen yet, was a bit too much for me. After 3 years of Welsh 'student culture' my drinking tap was overflowing... so I was mostly sober and well behaved in there. Did what I was told and did not question it too loud. This way I was able to make friends with officers in high positions. The higher your friends are up in the ladder the less you have to worry yourself about and do. Perfect. Spent the last months doing pretty much what I liked and came back thinking that the army is not such a bad place. Changed my point of view totally. I was shocked to find that out. Ramboism had taken over me.
So, apologies to all if you have been overwhelmed by the army - stories. If you love me, bear with me!!! :) Anyway, the reason I brought up this army thing is that there was a article about it in one of the Finnish newspapers,
Three new conscripts, 1 woman and 2 men, in the military police battalion were caught in the ladies toilet after the order for 'lights out' had been called meaning that everyone should have been dreaming of their mother's cooking. The three, however had other things on their mind... a threesome in the the shower. A cadet (officer in training) had been patrolling in the vicinity and heard the shower. It is quite normal that you were so busy and occupied by all sorts of lovely assignments during the day that you just did not have time to have a shower, so many had one during the early hours of the morning, before wake-up call. But these showers are not built so that you have long relaxing showers, but for the single purpose of being able to accommodate about a 100 soldiers in an hour. So get in, scrub like hell and get out. The three, however, was there for a good while before the suspicions of the cadet overwhelmed him and he went in to have a look. Apparently they had not been in 'full action' but some preliminary preparations had been seen to. I am sure that many of you know how fast rumours circulate in a group of friends, among colleagues etc... so imagine how fast the news of the incident had travelled through the whole brigade. It became an urban legend in moments. Now the three are under reprimand, stripped of any special privileges and not going to enjoy the rest of their army experience. If you fuck-up once, the army has the memory of an elephant, as nothing is ever forgotten, but brought up by every officer, non-com, roommate and some guy driving a truck in another battalion. And as shit flows downwards, these three will be the end station of everything lovely and homely... So boys and girls... before you end up in the shower either trying to 'enter' a fellow soldier in a manner that is not found in the soldier's guidebook on conduct between comrades in green or if you feel the need to go down on your knees to admire your colleague's private weapon... please don't, because you might start to miss the comfort of mummy very soon!!!
Another story from the army, which happened last winter up in the north during a forest camp. As the soldiers sleep in tents even during mid winter when the temperature, especially up in the north part of the country can sink below - 30 degrees, there is mobile 'stove' in every tent, which is fuelled by wood. The only problem with this is that the tent material is highly flammable and there might be guns and ammunition in the tent as well. So when the stove is on, it has to be tended to and guarded at all times. A guarding rota, along with the totally worthless guard duty outside, where you sit in a foxhole for a few hours and stare into the distance, just in case the Namibian Olympic Team should decide to invade is normal procedure during these camps. Before the camp, a woman and man, both corporals in the same unit had started a relationship together. This is against the rules, of course. Most probably through some back-hand deals, rather than luck, they had been put in the same tent for the duration of the camp, while in the barracks, there is a very clear separation between men and women sleeping areas. During their nightly guard duty inside the tent, they had sex many times, which were taped by the guy on his video camera. The woman apparently knew about this and was OK with it. Later when they had finished their national service and had split up, the guy, in a stroke of genius, uploads the videos on the internet. Some conscript, bored and stuck in barracks, found the videos, which spread faster than a stomach bug in the army. The woman's friend saw the clips and told her friend, who has now sued the guy for 'emotional damage' - a verdict is still pending.
OK. Enough. Sorry. So sorry. At least this time it wasn't about a tank driving over a grandpa.
Next time I promise, it won't be about this...
Enjoy the sun everyone!!!
Most people who knew before I went into the army, knew that I had been avoiding the damn place like the plague from since I was 18 until I finally went in at 24, so a good six years. I was not really interested in the 'gung-ho' mentality, I rather thought of myself as having grandeur ideals, ideas and hobbies than be caught up in the whole 'boys with toys' charade of the army.
Hmmm.... that worked out well, as now the people who met me after I had spent enough time among the hormone -charged young men to have seen enough spunk to last me a lifetime, they might think that I have army on the brain. Perhaps. When I went in, slightly unsure of myself after hearing all those stories from friends about all the things that they make newcomers go through, I made up my mind to think of it as a sporting holiday. I had just finished a BA Degree, where I actually did quite a bit of work during my last year, instead of being drunk down the pub every night, so my rational was that the army was a holiday. No essays, exams, long academic lectures, hours of pondering what the f**k something meant... nope... not in this place... you could leave your brain at home. Everything you did was organised by someone else: when to wake up, when to eat and when to sh*t. Just follow the schedule. Easy.
In fact, it wasn't really what I expected. I was more relaxed about not having that much free time on my hands, not getting that many evening passes or that sort of thing. I knew that if I had two pints or more, I would have a hangover and not able to function without a fair amount of painkillers the next day. Especially when you had to be up at 5 in the morning, already by itself an ungodly hour to be conscious, having a hangover and being expected to understand what the hell was going on when the sun had not even risen yet, was a bit too much for me. After 3 years of Welsh 'student culture' my drinking tap was overflowing... so I was mostly sober and well behaved in there. Did what I was told and did not question it too loud. This way I was able to make friends with officers in high positions. The higher your friends are up in the ladder the less you have to worry yourself about and do. Perfect. Spent the last months doing pretty much what I liked and came back thinking that the army is not such a bad place. Changed my point of view totally. I was shocked to find that out. Ramboism had taken over me.
So, apologies to all if you have been overwhelmed by the army - stories. If you love me, bear with me!!! :) Anyway, the reason I brought up this army thing is that there was a article about it in one of the Finnish newspapers,
Three new conscripts, 1 woman and 2 men, in the military police battalion were caught in the ladies toilet after the order for 'lights out' had been called meaning that everyone should have been dreaming of their mother's cooking. The three, however had other things on their mind... a threesome in the the shower. A cadet (officer in training) had been patrolling in the vicinity and heard the shower. It is quite normal that you were so busy and occupied by all sorts of lovely assignments during the day that you just did not have time to have a shower, so many had one during the early hours of the morning, before wake-up call. But these showers are not built so that you have long relaxing showers, but for the single purpose of being able to accommodate about a 100 soldiers in an hour. So get in, scrub like hell and get out. The three, however, was there for a good while before the suspicions of the cadet overwhelmed him and he went in to have a look. Apparently they had not been in 'full action' but some preliminary preparations had been seen to. I am sure that many of you know how fast rumours circulate in a group of friends, among colleagues etc... so imagine how fast the news of the incident had travelled through the whole brigade. It became an urban legend in moments. Now the three are under reprimand, stripped of any special privileges and not going to enjoy the rest of their army experience. If you fuck-up once, the army has the memory of an elephant, as nothing is ever forgotten, but brought up by every officer, non-com, roommate and some guy driving a truck in another battalion. And as shit flows downwards, these three will be the end station of everything lovely and homely... So boys and girls... before you end up in the shower either trying to 'enter' a fellow soldier in a manner that is not found in the soldier's guidebook on conduct between comrades in green or if you feel the need to go down on your knees to admire your colleague's private weapon... please don't, because you might start to miss the comfort of mummy very soon!!!Another story from the army, which happened last winter up in the north during a forest camp. As the soldiers sleep in tents even during mid winter when the temperature, especially up in the north part of the country can sink below - 30 degrees, there is mobile 'stove' in every tent, which is fuelled by wood. The only problem with this is that the tent material is highly flammable and there might be guns and ammunition in the tent as well. So when the stove is on, it has to be tended to and guarded at all times. A guarding rota, along with the totally worthless guard duty outside, where you sit in a foxhole for a few hours and stare into the distance, just in case the Namibian Olympic Team should decide to invade is normal procedure during these camps. Before the camp, a woman and man, both corporals in the same unit had started a relationship together. This is against the rules, of course. Most probably through some back-hand deals, rather than luck, they had been put in the same tent for the duration of the camp, while in the barracks, there is a very clear separation between men and women sleeping areas. During their nightly guard duty inside the tent, they had sex many times, which were taped by the guy on his video camera. The woman apparently knew about this and was OK with it. Later when they had finished their national service and had split up, the guy, in a stroke of genius, uploads the videos on the internet. Some conscript, bored and stuck in barracks, found the videos, which spread faster than a stomach bug in the army. The woman's friend saw the clips and told her friend, who has now sued the guy for 'emotional damage' - a verdict is still pending.
OK. Enough. Sorry. So sorry. At least this time it wasn't about a tank driving over a grandpa.
Next time I promise, it won't be about this...
Enjoy the sun everyone!!!
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